A Match Made in Heaven?
Marriage has taken every form imaginable throughout history. Its original purpose was not propelled by the romantic pursuit of finding love. Instead it was more a business proposition than a romantic one.
Historical research shows that for centuries marriage was considered far too important to rely on love as a factor. Love in a marriage was an added benefit, but it wasn’t until the 17th century that romance became a factor in marriage.
Royalty, kingdoms, and tribes strategically manipulated binding agreements for peace treaties and alliances, with the purpose of expanding their territory and authority. It was a corporate transaction to solidify cultures and secure power.
People throughout history also married for society’s prominent connections, status, influence, wealth, land, and to produce legitimate heirs who’d carry the family name, thus continuing their lineal legacy. It aided impoverished families in expanding labor forces. Couples married with the goal of bearing and raising children who would labor on the family farm. For centuries (and in some places still practiced today) young brides were traditionally traded by their parents in exchange for material dowries.
Marriage was also a means of survival for women whose families could not afford to financially support them.
Like religion, marriage is a manmade institution. We’re taught to believe it is a lifelong bond between one man and one woman, sanctioned by “God.” But the truth is, traditional marriage as we know it today didn’t exist in the past.
Which brings us to the age-old question, “Why do we believe we are destined to be with that one person our entire life?” We ALL ask it. But frankly, the idea has not been very successful over time. Are humans designed by nature to be monogamous, or is monogamy the product of a set of rules instilled in our society by the culture and/or religion we’re raised within? We consider ourselves to be the superior species in the animal kingdom, with the ability to reason and solve problems. We certainly have more authority, power, and external concerns than animals. However, scientists have noted that both male and female animals in nature practice sexual sharing with multiple partners, even species previously believed to be monogamous. It’s believed this is a way for nature to ensure continuation and evolution of the species.
It’s crucial to first establish who you are before merging your identity to another person, committing to the lifelong promise of marriage. This is the most important advice I can give anyone contemplating marriage, especially at a young age. Life is filled with changing seasons, and as people mature, they should establish a greater sense of who they are and what they actually desire in a relationship. Those in their early 20s eventually alter their priorities, necessities, and desires. By the time they reach their 30s, everything has changed; they’ve evolved as a person.
It takes time to know the person you are and what you want out of life. Be patient and give yourself that time. When you’ve reached this sense of confidence and knowingness, you’ll be able to enter a relationship knowing who you are, while also turning your full attention to discovering the other individual and who they are.
Both of my marriages are central to the stories in “Jack in the Box.” You’ll see how each of my wives contributed to my success in business and in life.