Who Am I?

That’s a question most of us fail to ask ourselves and seldom seem interested in knowing the answer to, which is probably why we rarely take the time to ask. It’s a question I tackle throughout my memoir, Jack in the Box.

In the story of our lives, we’re the lead actor. We work hard to develop a “character,” our public persona, the way we want people to see us, either in our professional or personal world (or both). For some of us, our authentic selves are who we show the world; we’re confident in ourselves and comfortable with the people we are. For too many others, the frills of masks help create an alter ego, designed to fool the people we encounter day to day. Like many who act for a living, insecurity drives these people. They need to convince themselves they’re more than what they believe themselves to be. They desperately cry out for approval.

As a businessperson, you might sport an expensive suit and shoes, drive a luxury car, wear a Rolex watch, and belong to the “right” country club (or Mardi Gras krewe, if you’re a New Orleanian). If you’re in a creative field, you might adopt a more bohemian lifestyle and attire to reinforce others’ perceptions of you as cool and hip: the “artistic type.” The suburban stay-at-home mom, grocery shopping in Lululemon yoga pants and tank top, may be creating the illusion of the “wants to look like she’s 20 years younger and still sexy, always on the go” mom.

But once we exit the stage and remove our costume, we’re left facing the real person behind the mask, vulnerable and exposed. Who are we then?

This is the person who needs to answer the question, “Who am I?” Do you like this person? Do you find him or her interesting or funny? Intelligent, talented, hard-working, or trustworthy? Or perhaps OCD, shy, boring, superficial, and narcissistic? Is he or she nice, loyal, brave, honest or giving? Maybe sexy and romantic? Or do you feel, no matter what you do, it’s never good enough? WHO ARE YOU? And WHY are you this way?

These are all qualities that make up your character, the “real you,” not a role you recreate for the public. Every day you walk out the door, you need to know and accept the person you see in the mirror instead of playing a made-up one. That’s the first person you need to learn to love.